


Cherub

by hdz48



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Discussion of Abortion, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Haikyuu!! Manga Spoilers, Kuroo is a literal daddy, Kuroo is a simp and he's proud of it, Kuroo is so whipped for you, Makeup Sex, Minor Character Death, Now rated E for a very small content of smut, Original Character Death(s), Post-Break Up, Reader-Insert, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:22:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 18,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25445350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hdz48/pseuds/hdz48
Summary: When you stare at the strip on your hand, its two pink lines stare back at you--and suddenly it’s turtles all the way down.The clock keeps ticking, and you wonder--what are you gonna do now that he’s out of the picture?In which you and Kuroo have broken up, but then you find out that you are pregnant with his child.
Relationships: Kuroo Tetsurou/Reader
Comments: 24
Kudos: 163





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please see the content warning and disclaimer on the end notes.

When you realize something is wrong with you, it's already too late.

It started last week when you were eating out at a yakiniku restaurant with your coworkers to celebrate the release of the skincare product that you've spent months of research and developing. You suddenly lacked appetite, and the smell of garlic suddenly felt too strong you wanted to throw up--and so you did. You simply figured that you were probably too tired after the last research project that your gastric acid started acting up, and then you called it a night and went home earlier even though you _really_ wanted to go bar-hopping afterwards.

But then the next day, after eight hours of sleep, you felt inexplicable fatigue--and it began to alarm you, because you're a person who always understands your limit perfectly. Even though your last completed project were pretty stressful, you never made overworking your habit, and you always know when to stop. Call it self-centered as anyone will, but you never compromise to yourself, even when the higher-ups in your company can be very demanding. Thank goodness your team is very understanding, so when your boss suggested that you probably should take your unused paid leaves, you immediately took it.

The inconveniences happening made you consider checking yourself to the doctor, but it was only significant because it was a buildup of _small_ inconveniences, so you decided not to go.

It goes and it comes, all of which you keep on brushing off.

Looking back, maybe your body knew the reason behind the funny feeling that kept on happening with you, but your mind refused to admit it.

So today, when Akari, your long-time best friend since middle school days calls you to say hi, you casually tell Akari about it by phone as you lay down on your living room sofa. You still feel sluggish, but Akari's cheerful voice calms you up. _Maybe you're just missing some familiarity in your life,_ you think to yourself, _maybe you're just homesick._ She asks if you've gotten yourself checked. When you answer "no", she goes silent all of a sudden.

"Akari-chan?" You ask. "What's wrong?"

 _"(Name)-chan,_ " a change to her usual cheerful tone tells you something is very wrong. " _Promise me you won't freak out, but I think you're forgetting something very, very big."_

"What are you talking about? You know I don't do things such as freaking out," you frown.

Akari lets out a nervous laugh. _"No. Listen,"_ her voice serious, _"answer my question as concise as possible: when was the last time you had your period?"_

Even without answering her question, you know. 

_Idiot, idiot, idiot._

You pull your phone from your ears to frantically check on your calendar. You have completely forgotten the significance of counting your period calendar for a while, considering that you are now _sexually inactive_. You begin to mentally curse yourself because you did it unprotected and consciously not taking the morning after pill just weeks before it all ended. You want to mentally curse him, too, for making it so hard. A rush of thoughts running inside your head, thumb still scrolling your calendar.

Your last period was early July.

" _(Name)-chan? Is everything okay? Want me to come to your place?"_

Still, panicking isn't your thing. Instead of being scared, you take a deep breath while thinking a hundred miles per hour about the next step - getting a solid proof.

"Yes, I'm okay. And no, it's not necessary," _not yet, at least,_ you mentally add. "Akari-chan, I think I gotta go."

 _“You didn’t answer my question, Name-chan! Is it really_ **_it_ ** _, then?”_

“It was two months ago…, so yeah, maybe," you exhale. “But I still have to check before we can panic, okay? Let’s… let’s stay grounded, for now.” You say to Akari, but really it’s as if you are saying it to yourself. But Akari knows you better than anyone else, probably better than _him…_ so even though she probably wants to see you and check up on you _so bad,_ she lets you take care of things of yourself first.

 _“Okay, Name-chan,”_ Akari sighs. _“But promise me to tell me about it as soon as you get the result, okay?”_

You pinch the bridge of your nose. “Yes. Of course,” you say.

" _And don't ever blame yourself for this._ " She says sharply.

Your eyes widen at her words, but instead of denying, you chuckle and say, "I was going to, but after you told me not to… I won't," you say. "We are-- _were_ consenting adults. I should've been wiser."

" _Are you going to tell Kuroo-san about this?"_

You flinch a little at the mention of his name, but you don't falter. "I honestly don't know yet,"

There's a brief pause on her end. _"Yeah, let's just think about him later."_ She says.

(Impossible - you are always thinking about him. But you won't say this out loud, obviously.)

"Yeah," you hum. "I gotta go, Akari-chan. Love ya."

You tap the red button, and even though it’s probably not wise to do so, you hurriedly put your shoes on and fly out of your apartment to the nearest convenience store. As you run, images of the night he walked off your door begin to appear.

* * *

(“I can’t… I can’t do this anymore, Kuroo. Sorry.”

Your words kept being repeated in his head. The night went on a blur, and your words stung him worse than any volleyball injuries.

He knew there was something off with you, and he knew that it was his fault.

From the six years you'd been in a relationship, you'd never been like this. You'd get mad, but never mad enough to call it off. You'd been so patient, unwavered You held onto him for so long that he'd wondered why he'd be so lucky to ever deserve you.

He would have begged, but he couldn’t. So he went, leaving lots of things behind:

His set of pajamas.

His toothbrush.

His shampoo.

His red mug with a black cat painted on it - well, you gave him that one so might as well give it back.

His spare key to your apartment.

His memories.

You.

You cried. Again. He hated to see it. Moreso when he was the one causing it. He failed to protect that smile, so he didn’t stop you from letting him go.

He'd wondered why he'd be so lucky; he was completely mistaken.

He didn’t deserve you.

He gave you one last glance to the place he’d probably never go back anymore--the apartment and that space in your heart. Your shoulders were shaking. He couldn’t stand it.

The door slammed shut, and everything was over.)

* * *

When you stare at the strip on your hand shortly afterwards, its two pink lines stare back at you - and suddenly it’s turtles all the way down.

You’re not a person who meticulously plans everything beforehand - but you can’t be spontaneous, either. You have at least planned that you will continue working in your current field until you turn 40, and sometime before, you have planned getting married in three or four years from now. That plan has now been scratched, big deal - life often takes random turns, anyway.

But _this_. This is too much. You’re not scared, you’re not mad, you’re not devastated… you’re just confused.

The clock keeps ticking, and you wonder--what are you gonna do now that he’s out of the picture?

You pull out your phone, contemplating on calling him.

* * *

(“Kuroo, can we talk?”

You stood looming above him while he sat in front of the gym entry, drinking his water after practice. Sun had begun to set, and almost everyone was already inside the clubhouse. The only team members who had left were the two of you. 

“Ooh, what is this, (Name)-san?” He pretended to check the calendar on his phone. “Don’t you think it’s too early for your Valentine confession?”

Kuroo was ready for your deadpan retort, but he didn’t hear any. Instead, he saw you fidgeting - something you’d been doing for the past week. He’d been seeing you unfocused in your task, spilling the team’s water bottles and getting yourself hit by stray balls. Seeing you acting out of character puzzled him, but every time he tried to ask, you’d dodge it, immediately switching topics or pretending not to hear you. He figured that you’re not ready to tell him about it.

 _Wait,_ he thought. _What if it’s true that she’s about to confess to me? No, no. That’s foolish_.

“I’m serious, Kuroo.” You sighed. 

Kuroo caught the urgency in your tone, so instead of teasing you more, he nodded and immediately got up, following your cue to go to the back of the gym building.

When you stopped at the small corner behind the gym, you turned to him, still with the weird expression. “(Name)-san _,_ what’s wrong?” he asked you. The uneasiness of yours was contagious, and the possibility of you confessing to him today (or ever, really--who the hell is he, anyway?) was completely out of the window, so the only thing he could do is to feel concerned. And since it was something that you couldn’t just tell him casually, he could only hope that it was nothing serious.

People liked to think that Kuroo Tetsurou is a laid back guy. Truthfully, the remnants of his awkwardness from his childhood still lingered--most of them could be seen when he’s around you.

You let out another sigh, but you remained standing up straight. “I’m tired of dilly-dallying around, not being able to talk to you for the past week about this,” you said, shoulders slouching. “so I’m gonna make this quick. I’m moving away, Kuroo. Starting this spring, I'll no longer be a Nekoma student."

At first he stared at you blankly, then he blinked once, twice, and as he processed your words, his mouth gaped. “W-what?”

“I know it’s so sudden,” you gulped. “My mom--I know it’s been a while since my father passed away, but my mom… it hasn’t been easy for her, with the shadows of him still looming around. She wants to start anew, and so she did, but she’s been through _a lot_ , and I can’t let her go alone. Not until she finds her footing. So I decided to come with her.”

Tears began to brim on your eyes, and despite him completely bewildered with the news (and he’d really need some time to process it) it really was the last thing he wanted to see from you. He had seen it far too much for the past year when your family issues began more and more complicated. Your father had been terminally ill for some time, and he passed away six months ago. You even had your moments of self-doubt and contemplated quitting your position as a manager, but your best friend Akari stopped you, knowing that you’d be the happiest when managing the team. Having lost his mother himself, he understood your feelings better than anyone, and seeing someone who was relatable to the person he was years ago, he wished he could do something to make you forget about the pain. 

But you’ve always been a strong person, smiling for the team even though you’d go home knowing that your father wasn't there or anywhere in the world anymore. He didn’t feel like he had the emotional bond with you like the one you had with Akari, so he did what he could: after the team didn’t qualify to go for both Summer and Spring Interhigh and he was appointed Captain by the recently retired third years, he did specifically instruct the team not to trouble you, and offered you his time whenever he had one. At first, you refused. But he was persistent, and so you began to unravel.

It started with a sad tragedy, but it was between those moments that Kuroo began to see you in another light. Not as Nekoma’s men volleyball team manager… but as something else.

Suddenly, he went from simply wishing to cheer you up to something more. When he saw you cry, somehow it made him feel helpless, _weak--_ because it made him feel like he wasn’t able to protect you.

Even when he fully realized something was blooming inside of him, he’d never push you. Not even though you had opened up to him and both of you began to hang out together more after practice, or when you and him went to Fukurodani School Festival together and Bokuto caught you both and you were so flustered, or when your elbow brushed his as you and him sat together in the school library to study together during winter break, he didn’t want to take advantage of your situation. You were still mourning, and for him, the weird chemistry he felt between you and him was a mere daydream of his. Especially with this news.

“Look, (Name)-san, I’m really shocked, but… I understand how you feel. Trust me - dealing with a newly-single parent is not an easy feat,” he said, remembering his own father on that fateful day. 

“No, I know you’re disappointed--you're just appointed as captain and I _know_ you’re gonna make a good one no matter what Yaku-san says, and I _really_ wish I could see you guys in action, in Nationals, winning against Bokuto-san, making Battle at the Trash Heap a reality--but life just wouldn’t let me. I really wish I could stick to the end, I'm sorry."

God, he _really_ despised your crying face. He stepped forward and touched your tear-stained cheek, wiping it off with his warm, calloused thumb. “It’s okay, (Name)-san. Really. Don’t cry,” he told you. “And don’t mind us. We know how to manage ourselves.”

“But we don’t know how the first-years will be,” you said. “I--I’ve talked a few people who are willing to be my replacement--”

He stilled for a moment. “Nah,” he shook his head, giving you his trademark Cheshire cat grin. “I don’t think I want a replacement.”

So you took steps backward, looking at him in bewilderment. “Are you crazy?” you asked in-between the sobbings. “Your schedule is _packed._ How are you going to handle everything by yourself?”

“I’m hurt, (Name)-san. Do you think we’re babies who can’t handle anything on our own? There are literally six of us, not to mention the first-years coming next spring,” he chuckled, running his perpetual bed head through his fingers as he leaned his sides on the gym wall. “Well, of course I’m gonna talk with the team about this first… but I don’t think I really need a new manager, nor that I want to.”

In other words, you’re simply too irreplaceable--as a manager and more.

“Okay,” you nodded weakly, giving up. When Kuroo has made his mind, there is nothing you can do about it.

“Sendai, huh,” Kuroo said, staring at the crows soaring in the afternoon sky. “Not quite far. But not quite close, either.”

“Yeah,” you hummed, leaning beside him, watching the same tinge of pale orange above you two. “About two hours with Shinkansen.”

“If it’s not as far as moving to America… watching us in the Nationals isn’t entirely out of the question, then,” he said.

“I’ll be there, I promise. As long as you promise that you’ll be there, too,” you hurriedly add, “as a player, not as a bystander.”

“Of course. I’m not gonna come otherwise. What do you think I’m gonna do, watching Bokuto having one of his mood-swings?” he looked at you, a gentle expression, unlike his usual mischievous ones. “I’ll be there with the team, (Name). As long as you promise that you won’t be the manager of your new school’s volleyball team.”

“Wha--of course I won’t!” you protested, the somber expression of yours finally replaced with the lovely expression you’d have when he’d tease you. “How dare you think about me that way, Kuroo? I just want to focus on entrance exams and graduate in peace!”

“Kidding, kidding,” he laughed. “Man, we’re gonna miss you so much.”

 _I’m gonna miss you the most,_ he mentally added.

“The team should visit me, too,” you said. “Practice match with Karasuno, perhaps? We’ve heard Nekomata-sensei’s stories; it’s about time you meet them and make his dream a reality, you know.”

“Huh, great idea as always, _(Name)_ ,” he said. “But it’s useless if we don’t talk afterward, you know.”

“Are you saying that you will forget me as soon as I leave?” you turned to see him, your eyebrows furrowing.

“I’m saying that we have to text each other often. Maybe some video calls, too, if you don’t mind. Anything, so you,” _or me,_ he wanted to add, “won’t get lonely.”

“‘Course I will.”

“So it’s a promise, then.” He put his pinky finger in front of you.

You smile at him-- _when did you get so beautiful?_ \--and wrap your smaller, daintier pinky with his own. “It’s a promise.”

Maybe, just maybe, this wasn’t his daydream after all.)

* * *

You sit on the hospital’s one of many plastic chairs, with faint voices of PA, the smell of disinfectant and the crisp white linoleum filling your senses. Around you are posters of baby diet, stages of pregnancy chart and an advertisement promoting breastfeeding, among many. Beside you are a young woman about your age probably in her sixth month of pregnancy, murmuring softly with a man who is most likely her husband, and an older woman--probably in her late 30s--her husband playing with their toddler. 

And then there is you. Instead of the father, Akari sits beside you, more fidgety than you are, her hand clenching yours, saying “we’re going to be okay” for the 20th time after you called her three hours ago.

“(Full Name)-san,” a nurse comes out of an exam room. Akari stands up first, and the nurse seems hesitant when he sees you both. “Uh, which one of you is (Full Name)-san?”

You get up slowly. “It’s me. She’s just accompanying me," you answer, feigning a smile. “Let’s go, Akari-chan.”

* * *

During the morning commute the next day, you keep rewinding yesterday's OB/GYN visit. You have been for the rest of the weekend because the clock keeps ticking and you still haven't made any decision yet.

The baby is eight weeks old and is perfectly healthy, and the due date is April 25th next year. You have around six weeks to decide whether or not you will abort the baby before it gets too risky. The OB/GYN also told you the possibilities of adoption. 

Akari slept through the train ride home afterward the visit, seemingly way more stressed and exhausted than you are. You take a mental note to treat her something once you've settled with an option.

You’re lucky today’s commute is slightly less packed than usual because you’re not sure if you’re already entitled to the priority seat. As you disembark from the train and begin walking to your office, you begin to think about your options for the nth time since last weekend.

The first option is that you may put the baby for adoption, but having lost a parent yourself, it hurts to think that the baby will grow up never knowing you--or Kuroo. The second option is you may keep the baby, but you’re still 24 years old--you’re still pretty much on the entry-level of your career, and you haven’t counted the exact money you’ll need to raise a child. All you know is that it’s not going to be cheap. 

The third and most plausible option is to have an abortion--but even just thinking about it makes you shudder. The risk of complications scares you, and you don’t know if you’re mentally capable to live with the fact that you terminated a life that you and Kuroo made--albeit unknowingly--together. You’re not as brave as the women who chose to take this option.

Then you remember that there is still one possible option, one that Akari suggested but you refused to explore. But you shake off the thought, thinking how silly it is. Is it even possible? Does he even want to talk to you? You think you know Kuroo pretty well, but apparently you don’t.

Still, you should somehow tell him about this, no matter how hard it is for you just to say _Hi_ to his LINE.

“…-senpai! Hey! (Last Name)-san! Long time no see!”

You break from your reverie when you realize someone has been calling you as you absentmindedly tap your ID card to enter the office lobby. You turn around to see a familiar two-metered, gray-haired man: Haiba Lev, with his crisp white shirt, waves enthusiastically at you.

“Hi, Lev,” you greet him. “Are you here for a photoshoot?”

It’s a weird combination, a junior in product research and development at a prominent cosmetics company, to meet Lev, who is an up-and-coming model after he followed his sister Alisa’s path soon after he graduated college. You never met him in high school, since you moved before he enrolled, but you kept your promise from the past to Nekoma’s game in the Spring Interhigh of 2012 where Kuroo introduced you to the first-years, including Lev. He keeps calling you senpai despite you never being his senior, and because you were the team’s former manager _and_ Kuroo’s girlfriend, you were always invited to their frequent reunions. They hold it once every month, and since you haven’t heard anything from them since your breakup, they probably had one last month and you were obviously not invited.

Kuroo probably has told them all.

“No, not yet. I’m here with my agency to sign the contracts,” he says, pointing at a middle-aged woman in a suit sitting in the office lobby. “It’s my first big printed ad gig, so I’m nervous.”

“You’ll do fine, Lev. It’s a product I developed, after all,” you smile at him.

“Really? Did you make those expensive skincare products? Senpai, you really are something else.” He whistles

“Not by myself, of course, but yeah, I had my part on it.”

But then the goddamn nausea kicks in, your insides churning, and you begin to gag. You have taken the vitamin prescribed to you and keep yourself hydrated, so why now?

“Senpai, are you okay?” Lev panics, seeing you crouching and fumbling as you try to reach the nearest restroom.

_Please, Kamisama, don't let this dude find out. The last thing I want is for Kuroo to hear about this from someone else._

“Yes, I’m okay,” you reply, but you’re literally breaking into cold sweat not to fool him. “I just--need to throw up--”

“Senpai, let me help you!”

“No, Lev, I’m okay!" You gag. "Seriously!"

But Lev already decides that it's his business. You sigh internally as he tries to help you go to the nearest restroom. You close your eyes, silently praying that this is not the start of some ridiculous catastrophe, because you really don’t want to make anyone aside from Akari know about this yet--especially someone from Nekoma.

Especially if it's not Kuroo.

* * *

When you're out from the restroom, still sweating and panting a little, Lev is waiting outside with a bottle of mineral water. “You really had me worried,” he says, offering it to you. Clutching the handkerchief you use to wipe your sweat, you accept his offer with a small thanks as you lean on the wall.

“I’m fine,” you say, rubbing your lower belly unconsciously. “No big deal. Don’t you need to be inside?”

“The meeting can wait for a little,” Lev raises his eyebrow, looking at you suspiciously. “Are you sick, senpai? You had a bad breakfast or something?"

You are not good at lying, even to someone simple-minded like Lev. But you won't straight up announce to him that you're eight weeks pregnant as well. "No and no," you reply, huffing.

"You need to go home?"

"No, I'm fine,"

"You need me to call Kuroo-sa--"

"No!" You hurriedly say, your voice breaking a little. 

"Okay," Lev's gaze still locked to you, before his jaw drops. "Oh. _Oooh._ So you're not _sick_ sick, and you're still working as usual. Does this occur pretty often?"

You rub your temple, trying to find the last bits of your energy to stay composed. "Lev, why don't you go back to your agent--"

"You're not pregnant aren't you, senpai?"

_Bingo._

You can't tell him. But you can't lie, either. So when you're not denying nor admitting anything, your face must be screaming the truth because Lev tugs his mouth upward, his expression smug for guessing things out. “Whoa. _Whoa._ Congratulations, senpai!"

"Uh, yeah, thanks," you say, chuckling nervously.

“Is everything okay?” he asks. "You look pretty stressed. I mean, I know it must be hard, being pregnant while working and living alone."

“Not really. Um. It’s because of… you know, _our current situation_ ,” you tell him. “And I’m still calculating the options.”

When Lev doesn’t immediately respond, you gaze at him, and he looks at you, his green eyes widen. “Oooh, I see, I see,” he nods. You wonder if he truly gets what you mean, and then he gives you a sympathetic smile. “I hope you can find the solution for this, (Last Name)-senpai.”

“Thanks, Lev,” you gently pat his shoulder. “I’ll be so glad if you don’t tell anyone else about this, though.”

“You have my words,” he grins. “I gotta go. Take care, (Last Name)-senpai. And congrats once again."

You return the smile. And once he’s gone from your view, you can't help but feeling sorry that you treated Lev in a dismissive manner. Even when he seems oblivious about it, you still wish you can talk casually instead of him watching you trying to puke the miso soup you ate this morning.

Oh, well.

As you try to stand straight and go back to your office, you remember your discussion with Akari the other day. The fourth and the final option is, as Akari said it, is to get back with Kuroo, marry him, and raise your child together with him. You don't know if it's even possible anymore.

Your stomach begins to tighten again, the rest of your remaining breakfast--if you even still have anything left--roils inside. You turn yourself around, rushing back inside the restroom to throw up some more.

* * *

(The practice match was hella fun. Karasuno was a very interesting team, especially the Freak Combo between that ever-glaring Setter and tangerine Shrimp, and he’d love to have some more games with them… but he was running out of time.

He kept checking on the gym’s clock. They’d gotten closer and closer to the departure time, but both teams didn’t seem to falter yet, and--

“One more!” the Shrimp shrieked.

“Hold it right there!” The yankee-looking coach scolded. “Enough is enough! And besides, they have a train to catch.”

Nekomata-sensei laughed at the Shrimp’s antics. “If you want to play us again, it’ll have to be in a tournament on a national stage, in front of a huge crowd, under bright lights on a big court... in a giant gymnasium filled with swirling emotion,” he chuckled. “It’ll be the greatest ‘Battle of the Trash Heap’ that anyone has ever seen. Let’s play again there.” 

“Yes, sir!” shouted the team.

 _Finally_.

Only after both teams said their goodbyes could he breathe easy. Nekoma Team arrived at Sendai Station around two hours before the departure time. He could eat dinner in the bullet train, and now he must think of an excuse to go--

“Kuroo, you okay?” Kenma asked you, eyes locked to his PSP. Sometimes Kuroo wondered if Kenma hid a third eye on the back of his pudding head.

“Yeah, yeah. ‘M fine.”

Kenma didn’t buy it, of course. He had known Kuroo for too long not to catch the lie in his tone.

“I’ve the checked Google Maps. (Name)’s house is around 15 minutes train ride from this station plus 5 minutes walking, and the next train should come in five minutes,” he muttered casually. “I think you can make it in time.”

“Really? You think so?” Kuroo’s eyes widened--and then he realized that Kenma knew all along. “Wait, no--I’m not saying I'm going to her house--”

“Kuroo, you might’ve successfully lied to me that Setter doesn’t move around too much, but you can never lie when it involves (Name),” Kenma deadpanned.

Kuroo felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked behind, and Yaku was looking at him with a mocking slash sympathizing expression. “Y'know, we really want to see (Last Name) too, but you probably miss her the most,” he grinned. “So just _go._ We’ll think up an excuse.”

Yaku was literally the last person that Kuroo would want to owe one from, but beggars can't be choosers.

“Thanks, guys.”

“I'll call to remind you, I guess.” Said Kenma, still focused with his games.

So Kuroo nodded and went away, looking up the route that would lead to Miyagino, where you lived.

It was a short train ride, but it still felt like _forever_ , and goddammit he didn’t even bring anything from Tokyo. But he kept running as if he didn't just play three volleyball games.

You did leave the team your new address, and luckily for him finding your mansion wasn’t hard despite this being the first time he ever came to Sendai--thank Gods for the GPS, really. Kuroo arrived in front of a brown-tiled four-level apartment block--running made his trip shorter by three minutes. Unwilling to waste another time, he pulled out his phone from his jacket’s inner pocket, and he searched for a number--the number who was always first in his call log--before he pressed the call button.

 _“Hello?”_ you picked his call after the second ring.

“Hi,” Kuroo greeted, panting. “Are you home?”

“ _I am_ ,” you answered. “ _Why? Why do you sound like you just jogged a hundred miles?”_

“Not for a hundred miles, but I did just run. I’m in a race with time,” he chuckled. “Can you come outside?”

“ _Why?_ ” you repeated your question, sounding wary. He’d teased you too many times not to be suspicious, after all.

“Just come. _Please_. And don’t hang up.”

“If this is another prank of yours, I swear to God--”

Kuroo leaned on the tree in front of your mansion, still trying to catch his breath. And when you didn’t finish your sentence, he finally saw you. You were there, walking outside the elevator. Your (hair color) was as pretty as always, tied in a neat ponytail. When your eyes met with his, He didn’t realize how much he’d been missing you.

It was just a few months, and even though he called you almost every day, it still felt like forever since the last time he saw you.

“Kuroo?” you said, a voice just above a whisper before you let your arm fall to your side, hanging up the call.

“Hi,” he said lamely, putting his phone back and standing up straight. “Surprise?”

“Wh--what are you doing here?”

"I told you yesterday that we're gonna have a practice match, right?" he said, scratching the back of his head nervously. "Well, we just had one."

"In _Sendai?_ "

"No, not Sendai. A small town with no train station, 40 minutes bus ride from here," he smirked. "Does it ring a bell?"

Your face looked even more flabbergasted with the realization. "You had a practice match with _Karasuno_?!” You put both hands on your hips. “Why didn't you tell me about it? I could come and watch, you know!"

"I don't know if Karasuno allows uninvited guests, though. Nekoma surely don’t,” he grinned, approaching you. “Sorry. I didn’t tell you because I'm not sure if you’ll be allowed inside, and I really can’t promise you to meet after the practice match because we don’t know when it’s gonna end, but I really want to see you… so my only option is to surprise you.”

“I am sure surprised.” You blinked, still bemused.

“Do you… hate it?”

“What? No!” You walked closer to him. “I’m--I’m happy, Kuroo! Really. Thank you for taking the time to see me.” You ripped your gaze away from him, and so did he. You were both silent for a while, with him especially embarrassed with his nerves. 

“I didn’t bring anything from Tokyo, though,” he muttered.

“What are you, my aunt? I don’t need any Tokyo _omiyage_ , you know!” you giggled, face finally softening up. “Just seeing you is enough… maybe.”

“‘Maybe’? What’s that even mean?” he rolled his eyes. “Well, I wish I could bring the whole team with me, but since we don’t have a lot of time--the crows asked us to play three games, imagine--I had to slip away from Nekomata-sensei and Naoi-sensei because they surely won’t let me go.”

“Wait, wait,” you raised your hands. “When are you going back?”

“A little more than an hour, maybe? I don’t know. Kenma will call me.” He shrugged.

“Kuroo, acting impulsive and irresponsible? This is so unlike you. Are you feverish or something?”

“Well… I do tend to act out of character when I’m around you.”

You frowned. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

The evening wind blew, and before he knew it, he already walked up to you, trying to close the distance between you both.

“What I mean is,” he said, his hands touching your shoulders, “I--”

And then, the loud ringtone of his dissolved the spell that he was under. Both of you jolted and took steps backward, pulling his phone out of his jacket angrily. _Goddammit_ , he thought. _I was so close!_

“Yes, Kenma?”

_“All of us have finished eating and Naoi-sensei expects us to go back to the meeting point in 10 minutes.”_

“Dammit. Sorry--” he waved his hand at you, who looked completely flustered. “If I didn’t arrive in 10 minutes, tell Naoi-sensei that I’m having an upset stomach. I’m running back to the station now, thanks. Yeah. Bye.”

“What was it?” you asked, seemingly only able to let out a voice above a whisper.

“I might have to go back soon,” he sighed. Now that the mood was ruined, down were all the words he had meant to tell you. “So… yeah. Are you coming to Tokyo this summer?”

You shrugged, still unable to look at his eyes. “Gotta ask my mom about it first.”

“See you later, then.” He waved, even though you weren’t exactly looking at him. He was hesitant to leave things this way, but he fucked this up, so it was a given. He was ready to turn around and think up with another plan to see you when he felt your hand pulling his upper arm, and as he fumbled, trying to balance himself from that sudden pull, you tiptoed. With your other hand reaching his face, you kissed his cheek.

Kuroo felt warm, and it wasn't because of the run. 

“I like you, Kuroo.” You whispered.

 _So this is how it feels,_ he thought. People said that having someone you like to return your feelings would feel like walking on a cloud. Kuroo had never walked on one before, but for him it felt greater than the day Kenma agreed to play volleyball with him, more satisfying than the day he ranked in the top three for the final exam, more victorious than last Summer Training Camp where he beat Bokuto for the first time. Hell, it probably felt so, so much better than getting to the Nationals--something he was itching to gain for the past three years.

You let go of his face, smiling shyly. Kuroo could see your cheeks slightly more pink than it usually would, and even though he knew you have always been pretty, today you were especially beautiful.

He grinned, perhaps a little too wide than usual. But he was too happy to care. “I like you too, (Name).”

You smiled back at him. He really wanted the moment to last forever, but when his phone rang again he knew he had to be patient. “Go, Kuroo,” you laughed, lightly pushing his back to go. “Text me as soon as you get back, okay?”

He nodded and started to jog back, waving to you enthusiastically until you disappeared from his view.

That night, as soon as he arrived home, he sent you a text as promised, followed with: 

_Does it mean we’re going out now?_

After he braced himself to press send, he kept checking his phone anxiously even though it was almost midnight. Then you sent him a reply, a short one, but enough to made him grin with butterflies in his stomach:

 _Yes._ )

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CONTENT WARNING: One of Reader-chan's and Kuroo's parents have passed away prior to the events of the main plot. This part of their background doesn't get mentioned pretty often, however if you're sensitive about this issue this fic might not be your cup of tea.
> 
> DISCLAIMER: I am in no way knowledgeable about pregnancy and abortion. I've done some (small) research on Google, but my only real knowledge about pregnancy comes from observing my sister. Regarding abortion, regardless of Reader-chan's personal opinions about abortion in this fic (being afraid about in and such), I believe that all women should be free to make their own choice. 
> 
> ...and, it's time to introduce myself!
> 
> Hello, HQ fandom! I'm Monja and this is my first HQ reader-insert fic.
> 
> I never thought I'd write a reader-insert, but as I reached Chapter 401, I feel the strong urge to write one about Kuroo, even moreso when I saw *that* one panel of Kuroo in the last chapter.  
> A little spoiler: I plan on making this a short fic, with 3-4 chapters. Kuroo is going to internally suffer... a lot. But don't worry, I did put angst tag on this fic, but it's not going to stay angsty forever ;)  
> Please note that English isn't my first language, so forgive me if you find any grammatical errors or repeated usage of certain vocabularies.  
> This is a challenging fic for me to write, because I get to analyze Kuroo's personality beyond what's been told in canon and talking about sensitive topics at the same time. I have everything planned out, so I hope I can update every other week!  
> If you like this fic, please leave kudos and some comments--I really love to talk with the fandom!  
> Thank you so much for reading this and see you next chapter!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He no longer has any other destination standing on that platform. Yet still, turning his feet to exit the station felt weird. He felt like canceling a date with you, like he could hear an imaginary voice of your disappointment--a voice of yours that he kept hearing more and more like a rope he’d kept on pulling apart until it snapped in two.

“Kuroo, for the unknowing passersby, you may seem perfectly normal,” says Kenma, sitting on the gaming chair of his spacious game room, while Kuroo sits across him, his back facing the giant projector. “But for me, something is clearly off with you.”

Kuroo’s hazel eyes widened in surprise, pausing, and then he snickers. “You’re not called ‘Nekoma’s brain’ for nothing, huh, Kenma,” he says.

Now that Kenma points it out, it’s true; for the past 47 days (yeah, Kuroo’s been keeping count), he tries to act normally. But in reality he’s been doing things in autopilot mode. It’s an easy thing to do when your daily routine is almost the same everyday: he jogs in the morning, takes his breakfast, goes to work, goes on meetings where he schmoozes on higher-ups and/or potential sponsors (one of things that you jokingly categorized as “Kuroo’s Shady Mode”), gets some credit from his seniors for excellent communication skills (what’s new?), follows his coworkers for a smoke break and willingly becomes a passive smoker just so he can get some air, return to his seat to find a new pile of work at least twice every week, work some more until past 7 PM, and then he goes home. Sometimes the meeting takes place so far away he has to fly out, sometimes there are events he has to attend. But even when the places may vary, the activities are basically just the same. 

At first he thought his life was doing fine, even when a large (very large) chunk of his heart was still somewhat in tatters. As long as volleyball and other sports exists, he thought he could still go on a bare minimum; that is, until one evening when he was walking home an hour earlier than usual, he realized that instead of going to the supposed Kokuritsu-Kyogijo Station where he’d ride the subway on the Oedo Line back to his house in Nerima, he found himself standing on a platform of Sendagaya Station.

Had it been sometime last year when he hadn’t fuck up (yet), the place he stood on that day would be the one of the two ways of going home--the train coming on that platform would take him to you, where he’d wait for you until a little past 6 PM and grab some dinner--grilled mackerel pike on rice and hot green tea (“like a senior citizen”, you’d say), while you’d eat some _tanin-don_ with a tall glass of cold beer. And then as you’d hold his arm while walking back to the station, you’d ask him to stay the night, an offer he’d never decline. Then he’d get to see your cute sleeping face before he’d doze off himself.

But it was a different time. He no longer has any other destination standing on that platform. Yet still, turning his feet to exit the station felt weird. He felt like canceling a date with you, like he could hear an imaginary voice of your disappointment--a voice of yours that he kept hearing more and more like a rope he’d kept on pulling apart until it snapped in two.

If you were home, then Kuroo were the ball wrecking it. 

Everything kinda went on a blur afterwards. Instead of exiting the station, he impulsively rode the train on the Chuo-Sobu Line and got off at Nihonbashi. It was a foolish thing to do, not to mention a waste of time; but before he could even reach your office building, he found that he still couldn’t muster up the courage to wait for you outside the lobby and try to get things back as it was before. 

(Would it even be possible? He didn’t even put up a fight that night.)

“So… in other words, you miss (Name),” says Kenma. “If you’re still not ready to see her in person, why don’t you text her, then?”

“No, Kenma, you don’t understand,” Kuroo rubs his forehead. “She doesn’t even want to be with me anymore.”

“Did she actually tell you that?”

“It was a word-by-word reenactment,” he smiles sadly.

Even Kenma, who doesn’t put up a lot of facial expressions, flinch a little upon hearing Kuroo’s reply. “That’s harsh. Sorry, Kuroo.”

Kuroo lets out an exasperated sigh. “No, if anything, I should be the one who’s sorry. She’s your friend, too, and I don’t want to put you and the others in an awkward situation,” he rubs the back of his neck.

“I know something is wrong when you’ve stopped bombarding the group chat to hang out, and I’m pretty sure the others already have a hunch as well,” Kenma tilts his head. “But you know, Kuroo, telling your friends that you’ve broken up won’t put us in an awkward situation; giving us a cold shoulder will. It’s not like (Name) will want to hang out with us anytime soon, knowing that we’ve spent more time with you than her.” Says Kenma.

“So you’re suggesting that I should hang out with the guys,” Kuroo mutters.

Kenma grabs his phone from the desk. “I mean, you look like you need some distraction,” he taps his phone, typing something. “Also, since I’m not the best at making social tips, I think you might need other opinions.”

Kuroo’s own phone chimes. A message on **_Nekoma Boys_** group (Yamamoto named it, of course, and you’ve never been on that group since the first place due to the immense amount of dirty jokes, courtesy of Yaku) pops out.

 **Kenma:** you guys want to hang out tonite

It doesn’t take long until replies begin to appear.

 **Yaku Morisuke:** wow, kenma actually asked first, that’s rare  
 **Yaku Morisuke:** I'm in  
 **Yamamoto Taketora:** yeah! It’s been a while since the last time we met. LET’S GOOOOOOOOO  
 **Haiba Lev:** I have photoshoot so I’ll come a little later  
 **Nobuyuki Kai:** sure. the usual place?  
 **Kenma:** yes  
 **Nobuyuki Kai:** alright, see you guys tonight  
 **Haiba Lev:** why are you so sudden  
 **Kenma:** it’s an emergency  
 **Nobuyuki Kai:** wow ok  
 **Haiba Lev:** i wonder what kind of emergency it is~

“It seems that Morisuke, Tora, Lev and Kai are available,” says Kenma, glancing at Kuroo from his phone screen.

“I’m in the same group, remember? I'm literally reading the chat right now,” Kuroo rolls his eyes. “But thanks. For inviting them out.”

Kenma only shrugs in response.

* * *

(Almost a year had passed since you resigned as the manager for the boys' volleyball team, yet you stood among the cheer team of Nekoma for the long-awaited Battle of the Trash Heap between your former school and Karasuno. The feeling of excitement from both teams must be contagious, because it resonated everywhere to the corners of the arena. 

Upon watching it, you repeatedly had goosebumps--call it biased, but it was the most wonderful match you'd ever seen. It was as if the players were dancing on choreographed movements. Half of you thought maybe it was because both teams had a long time chemistry; that there was never any hostility between them. If anything, it didn't seem like a battle to you; it was a banquet, held between two old friends to reminisce the days that time had forgotten.

You forgot how to breathe when Karasuno was in their final match point. It hitched even more the moment the ball slipped from Kenma's hand, ending the party. When the referee blew the final whistle, Nekoma came out as the loser, but not to you.

Even though you really wanted to hold him and thank him for the game, you thought about giving Kuroo some space and you did. You went with Akari while the team stayed behind to watch the second match of the day, promising him to see each other later. You stayed at Akari's place, secretly thankful that your best friend's house is at a close proximity to your old school where Kuroo promised to meet you. Kuroo finally texted you late in the afternoon. You went out and there he was, standing outside the door.

“Hi,” he greeted you, still donned in Nekoma’s signature red tracksuit. “Sorry for making you wait.”

“Don’t mind me,” you shook your head. “It’s cold. Do you want to come in? Akari’s parents are out on a trip.”

“Don’t mind me,” he said, copying you with a mischievous smirk, to which you responded with an eye roll. He chuckled. “I’m thinking that we should take a walk. I know it’s cold, but you can hold my hand… if it’s okay with you.”

“Mmm. It’s fine,” you hummed. “I haven’t been in the neighborhood for quite some time, anyway.”

So he took your small hand, a strong and calloused one enveloping yours. The two of you walked side by side, golden light spilling on the Shirako river. It was both the person and the view that you hadn't seen for quite a while, and so your heart was brimmed with nostalgia.

For a brief moment in your head, Sendai seemed as far as the other side of the world from Tokyo.

"Kuroo," you said. "It was a beautiful game."

You turned your gaze from the turquoise-colored railings separating the road and the river to him. He was stunned at your words before softening a little. "Am I really that obvious?"

"A loss is still a loss, no excuse," you shrugged, and you felt his grip on your hand flinched a little. "But that doesn't mean you have to keep sulking about it."

"I owe Nekomata-sensei a lot, (Name). I feel like it's a little unfair that he's waited for the match to happen again _for years_ … and we let him down. _I_ let him down," he let out an exasperated sigh, his breath billowing out in the winter air like a puff of smoke.

"But does it upset him?" You asked.

"No… no. He gave us feedback as usual, pointing out things that we need to improve in order to win next time but he's as jolly as ever. He thanked us again in the end," he said, mouth tugging upwards. "Well, damn. There is no more 'next time' for me, innit?"

Tugging his hand, you signaled him to stop, so he did. You turned to see him face to face. "Kuroo Tetsuro," you said. "You think you let Nekomata-sensei down, but he's not. I sat beside him on matches longer than you did--and I know, no, _we_ know that he's in no way disappointed with you, or any members of the team. You said so yourself--you went to help your opponent in the Summer Training Camp because you wanted to make the Battle of the Trash Heap to happen. Both teams trained hard to pass for Nationals, sure, but _you_ helped in to happen by helping your rivals. That match was your last, but more than anything else, you and the others have set up a foundation for the future. Nekoma will go to the Nationals next year, and the year after. I’m sure of it--”

You didn’t get to finish your sentence, because suddenly Kuroo wrapped his arms around your shoulder, pulling you close. He didn’t leave any friction for you to move, encasing you tightly in his larger body. He rested his chin on the small corner between your neck and shoulder, his hair gently brushing your ear. You were surprised for a second before returning the hug. The day was cold and Nekoma was a loser, but it was warm in his hold, and in that pocket of time, he was the champion for you like he had always been.

He released his arms to face you, lips tugged in a smile. His eyes were so gentle, so full of love, as if trying to memorize every part of your face.

“(Name),” he said, “can I kiss you?”

You didn’t say anything; slowly fluttering your eyes shut was your only response. You felt his breath on your skin as he moved his hands to cup your face, and then slowly, he pressed his lips with yours. 

When he tried to pull away, you let out a whine, draping your arms around his neck. So he kissed you again. This time, you felt his tongue prying on your closed mouth. In your adrenaline rush, you let him in, deepening the kiss as his hands moved to wrap your waist. Your heart was beating so loud and you felt like melting, and the world seemed to shut down.

When he finally pulled away, you were both panting. His cheeks were blushing and so were you. You both smiled, blanketed in bliss; he rested his forehead on yours before letting you go.

“Now I know how that snake bastard Daishou feels,” he muttered. The temperature began to drop as night fell, so you and Kuroo decided to go to the nearest coffee shop to warm yourselves up--one you used to frequent with Akari back in the days. The two of you sat side by side.

When you gave him a puzzled look, he explained, “Do you remember Tokyo preliminary? I told you about this before. Nohebi lost to us, but I heard he'd gotten back with his girlfriend just after the game had ended. He lost the match, but he won something else in return,” he grinned, tucking your chin before stealing a soft peck on top of your head. “Thank you for telling me exactly what I needed to hear, and more.”

You were caught in surprise when he did it. “Hey, that’s cheating,” you said, pouting.

“I’m sorry, but you’re too cute to resist. And besides,” he said, “ _you_ were the one who’s cheated, (Name). I came to Sendai to confess to you, but you beat me to it.”

“We’re talking about _that_ now, after months have passed?” you protested, crossing your arms. 

He let out his trademark ugly laugh. “I’m just kidding,” he said, playing your hand with his own. “Hey, (Name)?”

“Yes?”

“Have you thought about the future?” he asked you, intertwining his fingers with yours. “I mean, I know where you're headed, but I’m asking about _why_ you want to major in chemical engineering,”

You hummed. “If you're asking _why,_ well… my chem exams always score the highest in our year, and chem in general is fun."

"But what _exactly_ do you want to be?" He pushed further.

"Gosh, Kuroo, you are more inquisitive than my academic advisor," you giggled, but the question left you thinking. You've always liked makeup and skincare; you know how to do the basics of makeup and you have your own skincare regimen. When your friends had to go through the trial and error phase when buying beauty products, you'd rarely fail in choosing the right ones for yourself; it's because you'd look up for the ingredients that would suit your skin conditions. At some point your classmates would go to you to ask if they could mix their Vitamin C serum with niacinamide moisturizers, and you'd know the answer.

You cleared your throat. "Well… I want to work in the beauty industry," you smiled sheepishly. "Not a grandiose reason, sorry."

Kuroo waved his hand dismissively. "No, don't say that. It's a good thing you know who you want to be based on something you love, you know," he responded. "I think your cause is admirable in itself."

 _You always know the right thing to say, huh, Kuroo?_ You mused. At the same time, you also knew that his words were sincere. 

It made you recall the time when he’d check up on you after the worst day of your life had occurred. He did exactly what you needed--attending your father's funeral and sitting beside you and Akari in the wake of it, offering his presence as support. He did not-so-subtle things such as intentionally not letting you know about practice so you could rest (you still came in the end), coming to your class to give you desserts that he bought from the convenience store, or simply texting you to ask if you’re OK.

He’d mean well, but at one point, you were a little tired from being treated as something fragile that might snap in two. You told him about it, and even though he apologized to you about it, he didn’t seem to falter from his advances. 

_"I was doing my best so I don't have to see your crying face anymore, you know,"_ he said at the time, looking away from you- _-was he blushing? "Sorry. It was a selfish reason."_

It was the first of the extremely rare times you'd seen him looking embarrassed, and you couldn't help it--it was _cute_.

During one night phone call when you and him just went steady, he admitted that he initially did all of them out of necessity, because you were the team’s manager and you just went through a difficult phase. But as time went on he slowly found out about you beyond what he’d known from your managerial duty: that you are a science nerd, just like him, and your favorite holiday destination is the beach instead of the mountains, just like him. He wanted to know more about you, and that was when his feelings for you started to bloom, hence the reason he didn’t stop asking to walk you home even though your house and his were literally on the opposing sides of Nerima. 

And so did you--you accepted his kind offer of lending his ears, but somewhere along the lines you felt more and more comfortable with him. At first you thought it was the brotherly side of him, always taking care of you and the others' well-being, yet he's also capable of being goofy--and that was how you'd seen him initially: an older brother. But after you got to know him, you found out that he was once a shy, timid Kuroo; this side of his was long gone according to him, but sometimes you could see the remnants of it while awkwardly inviting you out or flirting with you--and you'd find all of them adorable, a side that only you could see (and Kenma, somewhere in the past). And when one day your heart skipped a beat upon seeing him, you knew in an instant that you no longer saw him as simply a good friend nor a big brother.

“So? Why did you ask me about this all of a sudden?”

“Well, you know I’ve always wanted to make volleyball more widely-known, right?” you nodded. “I plan on playing more volleyball in college, but I never planned on making it my long-term career. I always know that I want to be something big, which is why I picked sports management as my major... 

But after what you said… it made me realize that I want to be someone bigger than an athlete. Someone who works from backstage. Someone who set everything into motion,” he smiled, running his fingers through his bedhead.

That particular smile of his made your chest flutter. “All I did was talking,” you shrugged.

"Still doesn't change the fact that you cleared my vision," he said, resting his head on your shoulder. "Thankyou, (Name)."

You hummed in reply. “So… what exactly do you plan to do?”

Kuroo put his index finger on his mouth, thinking. “Eh, nothing much. My short term goal is to become a President of the Japan Volleyball Association.”

Your eyes widened at his confidence. You knew he was joking about it being a short term thing, but the glint on his eyes told you that he was half-serious--he wanted to be a leader in the sports industry, and he was going to make it come true.

You could laugh at him but you didn’t, opting to softly touch his wrist instead. You tilted your head, looking at him dearly. He’s Kuroo. You know he’d make it. So you raised your cup of hot chocolate to celebrate his dreams, silently hoping that you, too, can make it and stand side by side with him in the future.

“ _Ganbatte_ , Kuroo." You sincerely told him.

Kuroo raised his own cup of tea. “Same goes for you," he smiled from ear to ear. "Man, we're gonna be what they call as power couple in the future, huh?")

* * *

The _izakaya_ that Kuroo and his high school friends frequented was nothing extravagant. It was a small, cramped joint that may be confining for the claustrophobics, located in Omoide Yokocho, a narrow alley in Shinjuku. It was Coach Naoi's best-kept secret, a place that he used to frequent in his youth along with his old former Nekoma teammates; slowly as time went on it was somehow "inherited" to the younger Nekoma alumni, becoming their main location to reminisce the past together.

For the team members under Kuroo's captainship however, their reunion happens pretty often; they mainly work in Tokyo, save for Yaku--currently a libero in the Division 1 team of V.League--who is trying for the foreign league next year. They meet almost every month. "Social circles tend to get smaller as you get older" said Kai on one occasion, and it shows; even though each of them have other circles, be it from college or workplace, they feel like they can act like themselves the most between each other. For Kuroo, his former teammates (aside from Kenma, because he's already his lifetime friend for _ever_ ) are like the people he knows will be his friends for a lifetime. 

Kuroo comes with Kenma, the former being at the latter's place the whole afternoon to play games. When he slides the entrance door open, Kai and Yaku are already there. 

"Yo, Kuroo," Yaku greets him. "Yamamoto will be here in 5 minutes."

"It's a surprise that you can join us, Yakkun," Kuroo smirks. "Are you skipping your practice? V.League season starts next month, you know."

"I'm not gonna miss my chance to see you get wasted," Yaku calmly sips his beer. When Kuroo scowls at him, he asks, "something happened to you and (Name)-chan, right?"

"Am I really that obvious?" Says Kuroo, his eyebrows furrowed.

Kai looks at Kuroo with concern. "You look like you haven't slept in ages," he sighs.

"That's what I told him. He thought he could hide that dark hollow by switching his conditioner," Kenma mutters, stealing a glance to Kuroo's slightly-tamed bedhead.

"Now that you mention it, your hair _changed,_ huh,"

"Yeah, did you use a fuckton of hair wax?"

Kuroo rolls his eyes. "Thanks for noticing, guys, you're the best."

They laugh heartily, until Kai raises his hand. "Okay, enough with the chit chat. Tell us what's going on." He says, face serious.

Kuroo sighs in defeat and chugs his second glass of beer. As he slams the glass to the table, he exhales. "You guys better listen up because I ain't repeating myself."

* * *

Soon after Kuroo begins his story, Yamamoto arrives. All of them sans Kenma (who is playing on his Switch) are listening intently, faces serious. At some point, Yamamoto is practically sobbing ("Shut the hell up, Yamamoto, you're crying too hard," "Yaku-san, there's no way you can't cry from hearing Kuroo-san's story-- _wait,_ you _are_ crying too!").

As Kuroo wraps his story, he's drunk three glasses of beer.

"Poor (Last Name)-san…," Yamamoto sobs. "Poor you, too, Kuroo-san…,"

"I wonder how (Name)-chan is doing now…," Kai ponders.

"I never heard from her for more than a month. I did see her in some of Hirai-chan's Instastories, but nothing more," says Kuroo, referring to Akari. "(Name)'s not that active in social media, and she dislikes it when other people take her photo." Yamamoto is practically wailing as he hears Kuroo's defeated response.

"Goddammit, man. Why are you like this?" Yaku yells, slamming his fist on the table. "Why don't you call her or something? You wanna wait until she gets a new boyfriend?"

"You really think she's that kind of person? She could've found someone new in Sendai, but she didn't," says Kai, ever the level-headed.

"W-well," Yamamoto hiccups, "it's a different time, you know. They're still in their honeymoon period. Now she--she _dumped_ Kuroo-san."

"Right? What I'm saying is, if Kuroo's slow, she'll move on," says Yaku.

Kuroo's feeling a little too lightheaded to give any retort. Then their chattering stops when Kenma's phone rings.

"Hello. Yeah, we're still here. You're missing out a little, but Taketora will fill you in, maybe. Yeah. Bye," Kenma slips his phone back to his hoodie pocket. "It's Lev. He's close."

"I wonder what Lev will say about this. I heard Lev is signing a contract for a new product campaign of (Name)-chan's company," says Yaku.

"Oh, speak of the devil," Kenma mutters. As he speaks, an unmistakable mask-wearing Lev ("so people won't chase this supermodel for a signature while walking in Shinjuku") is at the door, his head almost reaching the ceiling. He looks like a giraffe inside the cramped place. As he takes a seat, he pats on Kuroo's back gleefully.

"Long time no see, Kuroo-san!" He says, removing his mask. "And congratulations!"

Kuroo blinks at him confusedly. "Huh?"

"I met (Last Name)-senpai a few days ago, you know! We talked for a bit. Then she suddenly gagged and rushed to the restroom. It must be hard for you, Kuroo-san, having to deal with her morning sickness," he sing-songs happily.

Suddenly, they get quiet. Lev, who is completely oblivious of the situation, calls for the waiter and orders an oolong highball.

Kuroo shakes his head. "Can you repeat it, Lev?" 

"Yeah, (Last Name)-senpai threw up. I assumed it's her morning sickness? Seeing the size of her belly, it must be it," Lev says.

"'Morning sickness'…?" Yamamoto mutters.

"So, what are you planning to do next? Senpai said she's currently weighing her options,"

"I-I'm not catching you," Kuroo chuckles nervously. "What exactly did she say to you?"

Then Lev pales. "Oh God," he says. "I messed up."

"Messed up _what_?" Inquires Yaku impatiently.

"Sorry, Kuroo-san!" Lev says, exasperated. Then he looks at Yaku, Yamamoto, Kai, and Yamamoto, all of them look bewildered. "I totally forgot that senpai told me not to tell anyone that she's pregnant."

Kuroo's eyes widened as he heard Lev's last sentence. while the others are completely shocked. A sudden rush of cold flashes begins to run in all of his systems, and Lev's words echo in his mind: _she's pregnant_.

_She's weighing her options._

When was the last time they did it again? In that short amount of time, Kuroo made a calculation in his head--

(You looked so beautiful. He moved inside you as you writhed under him, your arms raised to wrap his neck. He whispered countless apologies to your ear, and then he peppered you with soft kisses. As he moved his hand to cup your breast, your body arched, and your moans were sweeter than honey.)

\--it was around two weeks before you dumped him.

(He was about to pull out, but in your ecstasy, you didn't let him. You called his name like a prayer, and he whispered yours like you were his most valuable secret. You hooked your legs on his waist, and he was groaning in response. You felt him spasming and then he came, your name on his mouth, followed with _I love you_.)

_She's pregnant._

_She's weighing her options._

_She didn't tell me._

Kuroo almost falls from his seat.

"You okay, Kuroo?" He says, a tinge of worry in his tone.

"Kenma, she's--she's--" _she didn't tell me_.

"Kuroo!" Kenma snaps. "Hey. Look at me. Do you know about this?"

" _Can anyone tell me what's actually going on_?" Lev cries.

"I-- _no,_ I _don't_ know!" Says Kuroo. "She's going to do _it,_ isn't she? She's not telling me, and so she's gonna do it. And everything is my fault. _All of it_."

"No! We don't know about it. You shouldn't assume anything baselessly," Kenma says sharply. "Now I'm asking you, Kuroo. Do you love (Name)?"

"I--"

Kenma tries again, unwavering. "Do you _still_ love her?"

"I do." He says weakly.

Kuroo completely loses his composure. Out of the years Kenma knows him, Kenma almost never sees Kuroo lose his cool, not even during one of the most stressful games. Half of Kuroo's meltdown tonight happens thanks to alcohol releasing his suppressed emotions, but Lev gives the final blow with his revelation.

This news, however, leaves Kuroo without other options but to face you. So he stands up, albeit still fumbling, and he takes a deep, deep breath before slapping both of his cheeks--hard. At this point, no one aside from him barely moves anymore. Kuroo turns to Lev, and pats his shoulder in repeat of his earlier gesture.

"Thank you, Lev," he says to the grey-haired man--who is still completely perplexed--and in an instant, he slams the sliding door open.

"Oi, where are you going, Kuroo?!" Asks Yaku.

"I'm coming to (Name)'s place," says Kuroo.

"No! You're too drunk!"

But Kuroo has made his mind. He doesn't look back when his friends calls his name. Kuroo begins to cut through the narrow alley, running faster than he's ever done to catch all of the ball from falling on the court. He runs and runs and runs and even though it's only a few hundred meters, it feels like an eternity before he gets to the main road to stop a taxi. 

He's very drunk and his heart is in even smaller pieces _she's pregnant_ and it's almost midnight _she's weighing her options_ and you hate to be woken up _she's pregnant_ and you probably will hate him more for it _she's not telling me about it_.

_She's going to abort the baby._

("Kuroo, why are you so intent on saving your money for yourself yet you spoil me rotten?" You asked one day when you were eating out. "I know your salary is above average. Saving your money is good, but I don't want you to overdo it,"

He paused for a moment before responding. "I like spoiling you. Also, I'd like to buy an apartment,"

"So you can live near workplace, huh,"

"No, so we can live in a place of our own as soon as we get married," he grinned, and you blushed.

"D-don't say it so casually, idiot! Also, we're only 23!"

"Well, I plan on marrying you in 2 or 3 years." He said, and you blushed even more violently.) 

_Their baby._

("Kuroo, you broke your promise. Again." You said, moments before everything he had planned went down the drain.

 _Ah,_ he thought. _She's crying. Again._ )

He feels prickling heat in his eyes. He rubs it off before anything falls out of it.

* * *

It's past 11 PM when you hear someone ringing your doorbell. You haven't been able to sleep and you will stay this way until 2 AM, just as it's always been for the past few weeks. Akari just left a couple hours ago, but she doesn't seem to be leaving anything behind. As you reach the _genkan_ , you stop midtrack, the smallest glint on hope on your chest.

When you look at the peephole, you feel a knot on your stomach. It's a person whose figure is recognizable anywhere. Your heart pounds loudly, still not ready with what's coming, but you open the door up regardless.

The door swings open, showing a face that you miss so much. Your breath hitches when you see his face, but in a millisecond you also recognize that something is off with him. "What are you doing this late--"

Kuroo only manages to take a few steps inside before collapsing on the _genkan_.

* * *

("(Name)," your mother called you.

It was the summer holiday in your third year of college, and Kuroo was coming over to Sendai. You were donned in a cream long sleeve top and light denim skirt, a set of new clothes you bought recently for today's date. You were applying your makeup when you saw your mother standing at the door.

"Yes, mom. What's up?" You replied, looking at her from the mirror.

"Didn't you say Tetsuro-kun will arrive at 1 PM? It's only 11 AM, you know. Your makeup will melt when he arrives," your mother cocked her head to the side, smirking teasingly.

You blushed slightly. "I--you're right. I'm just a little too excited, I guess," you chuckled.

"Hey, I'm not judging you," said your mom as she walked over to your room and sat on the bed. "I was young once, you know."

Once you finished putting powder on your face, you put your brush down and turned to face her. "I can't wait to see him," you smiled dreamily. "He's been so busy these past months, so this semester felt especially longer than usual."

"Well, both of you are almost in your 4th year," she responded. "You've been busy too, you know. Becoming a research assistant for your college professor… you really are something else, (Name)."

"Mom, you know an apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Dad literally fell in love with you because you were the valedictorian. I would never come as close to that," you rolled your eyes, recounting an old story of a time when your parents were business school students. 

"No way. If it was genetics you'd become a creative director like me, not a scientist," said your mother, then she shuddered. "I'm glad you're taking a path in a field that you're passionate about. No offense to you, but I will never understand the fun of chem."

"I'm literally complimenting you here. Why are you making it difficult?" You protested, scowling. "And besides, I actually got interested in chem because you kept recalling to me how much you hated chem and physics back in the school days, so thanks."

"I should've told you how much I hated beef intestine too, then, so you'd start eating them now instead of giving me the stink eye for enjoying it so much," 

"Ew. Any type of _horumonyaki_ should be illegal,"

"If it is, then lemon bar should, too,"

"Stop beating around the bush, mom. Are you literally coming to my room just so we can argue about our favorite foods?"

Your mom cleared her throat. "Right. Sorry. I meant to ask you about your plans after graduation," when she saw your expression changing slightly, she added, "I _know_ it's a little too early, but I am simply curious."

"I plan to work and implement my knowledge, obviously," you answered, raising an eyebrow questioningly.

"Duh. You don't say," she rolled her eyes. "I'm serious, (Name). Don't you have any particular thing you want to do?"

"Maybe I'll stay a little longer in university as a research assistant. I don't know," you shrugged.

"Didn't you tell me you wanted to work in the cosmetics company?"

"Well, yeah, but none of the major companies are headquartered in Sendai," you said nonchalantly.

"Why stay here, then? Why don't go to Tokyo?"

You took your gaze away from your mother, not answering.

"Is it because of me?"

When you weren't answering, your mother sighed. "(Name), I'm so sorry I robbed you of your last year in high school," she said. When you looked up, ready to protest, she added, "No, I'm serious. I always feel like because I was such a mess back then--"

" _We_ were a mess," you interrupted.

"--I'm constraining my only daughter's youth. And now I want you to reclaim it."

"What?"

"I'm saying that you should go to Tokyo and become whoever you want to be," she said.

"But, mom, I--"

"You think I can't handle things on my own?" Your mother crossed her arms. "After four years living here, I've found a new circle of friends, you know. Not to mention that my old friends in Tokyo are still as supportive as ever. I'm going to be okay. So you have to go."

Your eyes squinted as you looked at her. "You're not shooing me to Tokyo because you have a new boyfriend, don't you?"

"What, no!" She paused a little, before adding, "thanks for the idea, though. There is this cute, single guy, a client of mine--wait! This is not about _me_. I don't want you to waste your time to take care of me."

"But you took care of me when I was younger," you countered.

"Well, if I didn't I would be arrested for child neglect," she deadpanned. "Look. If you really have to take care of me, do it when I'm old and handicapped, okay? It'll be a little while before I get retired, so I want you to go out there."

"But--"

"Just think about it. I insist," she interrupted. "And besides, it's not like you want to have a long-distance relationship with Tetsuro-kun forever, right? Don't you want to get married to him? Make a few cute babies?"

"Mooom!" You cried, blushing. "Fine. I will think about it first, okay?"

You said you'd think about it, but deep inside, you already knew your answer. Your mother was your first best friend and you would choose her in a heartbeat, but you knew that your mother was right. It'd be hard to live far away from her. But Tokyo was a home you knew you'd have to return to.

You couldn't wait to tell Kuroo about this later.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We get to see Nekoma City Boys™ together! I completely made up the part where Yaku started off in V.League before he plays in Russian league. Also, someone please help Lev, he's so clueless LMAO.
> 
> I tried writing two sentences of smut... hence the change of rating. I actually plan to write more smut in later chapters if I have enough energy for it LOL wish me luck.
> 
> So Kuroo never lost his composure in the manga but he does in this fic. I think he's a very well-rounded person capable of feeling all kinds of emotions in a healthy way (compared to some of the more emotionally-constipated characters of HQ) so losing his cool every now and then doesn't seem entirely impossible for a person like Kuroo. Sorry if it comes off as OOC, though! It's my personal headcanon that he's a simp for his significant others🤔
> 
> I intentionally left the cause of Reader-chan and Kuroo's break up in the dark for now, but it'll come into light later. I promise it's not because one of them is a jerk.
> 
> Here's some brief description about things I mentioned in this fic:  
> 1\. [Kokuritsu-Kyogijo Station](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kokuritsu-Ky%C5%8Dgij%C5%8D_Station) is a subway station in Sendagaya, Shibuya, situated on the Toei Oedo Line. This station appeared in Chapter 231 of the manga, while [Sendagaya Station](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sendagaya_Station) is your regular railway station situated on the Chuo Sobu Line. Not only the two stations are located within walking distance from [JVA office](https://www.jva.or.jp/en/) in Shibuya, it is also near the National Stadium where the Spring Interhigh is held.  
> 2\. [Shirakogawa](https://youinjapan.net/otaku-places/ranma.php) is a river in [Nerima](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nerima), while Nerima is one of Tokyo's 23 wards where Nekoma is situated. The neighborhood around the river along with its trademark turquoise fence is the main setting of Ranma 1/2, an anime of my childhood (also set in Nerima). Romantic scenes often happen while Ranma walks with Akane in with Shirakogawa in the background, so I made their first kiss there as an homage.  
> 3\. [Omoide Yokocho](https://www.japanvisitor.com/tokyo-area-guide/omoide-yokocho) is a narrow alley in Shinjuku filled with lots of _izakaya_ , a Japanese term for casual bars that serves alcohol and snacks.  
> 4\. This fic is set sometime in September, and [V.League](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2018%E2%80%9319_V.League_Division_1_Men%27s) season usually starts in late October, hence Kuroo's remarks to Yaku.  
> 5\. [_Genkan_](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Genkan) is the entryway that can usually be found in Japanese houses/apartments.
> 
> As always, thank you for reading this fic! If you like it, please give some kudos and comments. See you next chapter!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Each word felt like Andersen's mermaid’s first steps onto the land; it's agonizing because it feels like walking on knives. Everything inside you screamed in pain, but you were left with no choice but to keep moving.

(Your parents were hard-workers so you didn’t have to become one. 

At the age of 30, just a few years after you were born, they managed to secure enough money to purchase a two-story house in Nerima, even though your late grandparents insisted that there were enough spaces in their house in Saitama. But your father itched for living in a more central area, which sometimes could mean a bigger opportunity--so he took his small family to Tokyo.

Because you were an only child, you were so close to both of your parents. You remember sometime in preschool when you declared to your parents that you wouldn’t get married to anyone because you didn’t want anyone else but _them._ For years, your parents were all you ever had--because even after you met Akari in middle school and basically glued together with her, the time had proven how friends would come and go, but you’d always have your parents the way they’d always have you.

When your father was promoted as senior auditor of a big consulting firm, he began to have more work than usual--he’d work on weekends, and you began to miss his presence even though you practically lived under the same roof. Your mother, a designer at an advertising agency at that time, realized the absence might affect you. You were in the first grade of middle school when she decided to quit her job, taking into account that puberty _and_ new school were too much of changes for a 12 year-old, and it might turn bad had she not watched you properly. But ends still had to be met, and with your mother deciding to be a full-time housewife, that would mean that your father had to work _harder_ . At first it was only one bottle of energy drink once every few days, soon it was two bottles--almost everyday. His addiction to caffeine grew worse, and although he was still a loving father and husband, you knew well that he was _exhausted_. 

“I’m okay, (Name),” said your father, smiling when you asked him to rest.

But he wasn’t. He was diagnosed with chronic renal disease in your final year of middle school, and the disease grew worse in such a short span--he died of kidney failure two years later.

In an instant, you lost your father, and you learned a valuable lesson the hard way: _don’t overwork yourself_.

Even when you had to work overtime, you never made it your habit to do it everyday. You learned to work diligently, and to say no when a coworker asked you to handle some more when you already got so much on your plate. No one would complain about your work ethics, because you have proven to be meticulous and efficient at the same time. And somewhere along the lines, you influenced your coworkers, too.

However, this did not happen to Kuroo. Even after a year and more members were added to his division, Kuroo continued working overtime. At first, you were okay with it--he's a hard-working person by nature, as proven by years of dedication to volleyball. And, hey, even when he didn't choose to become a pro athlete, he ended up working as a person who'd promote this sport to many. At least, you know he’d been doing it out of sheer love, not something forced out of him.

Or so you thought.

It didn’t take long for you to figure out that he was exhausted, the bags under his eyes had gotten even more pronounced each meeting. When you’d ask him about it, he would reassure you that this wasn’t something out of control, that everything was just a little more hectic because "the association's got a lot on their plate," he'd always say, and "I gotta help my team."

Sometimes, Kuroo would go to other cities to attend volleyball-related events. He'd fly to Oita where Schweiden Adlers is based to attend a fan meeting, and he'd go to Osaka the next day to meet with the stakeholders--international sports brands, fast-moving consumer goods companies--to acquire sponsorship; his schedule would get even more packed during V.League season, where he'd work even on weekends.

Luckily, he'd always cram a tiny bit of his time to meet you. You've always enjoyed watching the games--you wouldn't become his manager in the past had you not found volleyball interesting--so you'd always come to watch together with him. You'd especially come for Black Jackals' games (because Bokuto was an old friend and you loved seeing how the outside hitter interacts with Kuroo) and EJP Raijin's (you swore to a jealous Kuroo once that it wasn't because Suna-senshu looked so cute--even though he totally was). But most of the time you'd attend any team games, as long as it was held within the Tokyo vicinity.

Once, you selfishly thought to yourself that his job shouldn't concern you as long as he loved it, and he'd prioritize seeing you. But as time went on, you found him with even darker circles under his eyes. He’d take caffeine more than the recommended dose. You’d find him passing out in the middle of dinner.

Sometime or other, Kuroo stopped seeing you weekly. It’d become a month before he’d be available to see you, and when he would, he didn’t sport the same sincerity in his eyes--the beautiful amber eyes that you loved turned dim, and you began to wonder if everything was starting to fall apart--and if it was your fault.

"Kuroo, everything okay?" You asked him on one of the rare nights of him staying over the weekend in your place.

"Yeah, babe, I'm fine." He replied with a smile, but you knew it was a fake one--the same plastered emotions that your father repeatedly showed to you, once upon a time.

“Can you promise me one thing?” you said, snuggling to his side.

He looked at you as he touched your hands and wrapped them on his own. “What?”

“Take a break once in a while, okay? I don’t want you to get sick,” you said, and Kuroo’s hands twitched a little bit. He must’ve understood what you meant. 

He kissed the top of your head as he moved to hold you closer. “Hey, I haven’t caught a cold for years. I will be fine,” he said. “Maybe that’s also because I’m an idiot, though. Who knows.”

“Kuroo, I’m serious.”

“I know you are, babe,” he smiled as he grabbed your hand, softly planting a kiss on your dainty fingers. “I promise.”

To this day, you’d still ponder: if only Kuroo knew the weight of his promise, would everything still be okay?

* * *

You were about to take a bath after dinner when your phone rang. You saw the caller ID, and your lips twisted into a little smile as you picked it up.

“Hi, are you home already?” you greeted him.

But Kuroo wasn't the one speaking. “Hello. I’m Abe, Kuroo-san’s co-worker in JVA. I’m so sorry to call you with his number, but I’m afraid you won’t pick up if it’s an unknown caller. Am I speaking with (Full Name) here?” his voice was deeper than Kuroo’s, and even though you’d heard Kuroo mentioning his name a few times, you couldn’t help but be wary.

You didn’t answer his question. “What happened? Where is he?”

“We’re at the ER in St. Luke’s,” Abe’s voice was strained, but clear. You felt your heart skip a beat. “We need you to come quick. Kuroo-san collapsed at work.”

The journey to the hospital was a blur. You didn’t know how your feet managed to drag you this far; this was the same hospital your father passed away, images of the past events when you returned home with your mother sitting on your doorstep even though she was supposed to accompany your father began to replay in your head.

“ _We need to come quick--_ ”

You’d been living in a world without your father in it.

“-- _your father might not make it out tonight_.”

You wondered if this had been your fault--why didn’t you push Kuroo harder?

The doctor came out to you and Abe, his face looking serious. “Kuroo-san’s condition is pretty serious,”

Your stomach dropped.

_“I’m okay, (Name),” said your father, even though he was practically living on dialysis. “I like working hard because I want to make you happy.”_

It was a ministroke.

_“I like spoiling you, (Name).”_

Kuroo would seldom drink, _didn’t even smoke_ , and he’d jog every day at 5 AM before he’d make his breakfast--protein, rice, and miso soup.

Only healthy ones.

 _It’s all my fault_.

He didn’t even like fast food because it was “too greasy for my liking”.

But what hurt you the most was the fact that Kuroo was just 24.

24 with a cerebrovascular disease--how cruel life could be?

“But we were lucky that he quickly grasped his situation--he actually fell down after he realized that he felt numb in one of his legs, along with difficulty speaking. He was trying to call the emergency service…” the doctor continued speaking, but you'd stopped hearing. You had to purse your lips to avoid yourself from hyperventilating. You clenched the front of your shirt tightly as the images of dying Kuroo began to fill your mind.

Having no serious complications, Kuroo was discharged not long afterwards, with regular checkups scheduled. But the damage had been done--the thread was already snapped. You’d been staying over at the hospital even though it reminded you of a painful past. And you had enough nightmares of waking up to an empty bed, and wherever you’d run to every corner of the world, you’d never find him.

Kuroo, being the sensitive man he is, realized this. He probably knew that he'd messed up, so he didn't talk much during his hospitalization. He apologized a lot to the point of obnoxious, but everything had begun to spiral down ever since that night. If your patience was a thread, then Kuroo had been bending it out for a while. 

The two of you were just returned from the hospital, with you remaining silent in the whole taxi ride to your apartment. You watched him on the dim-lit _genkan_ as he put off his coat. “Kuroo,” you called his name, and he immediately picked up the unhappiness of your tone.

“I’m so sorry for the trouble I caused you,” he said sincerely. “I feel like I haven’t said it enough.” 

You walked to the living room, him following just a step behind.

“Is something wrong?” he asked you, softly touching your shoulder. You turned around, and that was when he caught your expression--your lips were tightly pursed, and your eyes… those were the same look you gave him when you saw him in the ER, except those eyes weren’t looking at him--or anything in particular. He tried to find something, anything in them--but your eyes looked… dead. It was as dead as the day you finally returned to school in the wake of your father’s funeral.

“We need to talk,” were all you said to him.

“Okay,” he said, sitting down with you. You looked at him, and his eyes were full of concern--you never did this before, and he couldn’t find any answer on your face. “I’m going to make this short,” you said. “But first, I’m going to ask you: what happened during the weeks before you were admitted to the hospital?”

There was a pregnant pause on Kuroo’s end. “I was busy working on several projects at the same time. Aside from my day-to-day job, there is this special event match being held in a month and there is this training program between powerhouse schools and former V.League players. It’s a big thing, so we’re looking for more sponsors than usual,” he explained briefly. “Pretty sure I have told you about them all,”

“I’m aware,” you replied. “Are you working alone in your division for these projects?”

“No, of course not,” he said.

“Is it stressful? Is this something beyond your capability?” you continued. 

“I feel like I’m being interrogated here,” said Kuroo, a hint of nervousness in his tone. “Well, of course it’s stressful. It’s a bigger responsibility, after all. But nothing that I couldn’t handle.”

“You said you were okay, Kuroo,” you said, calmly, but each word felt like Andersen's mermaid’s first steps onto the land; it's agonizing, because it feels like walking on knives. Everything inside you screamed in pain, but you were left with no choice but to keep moving.

Kuroo’s eyes widened. Of course he remembered what he said. The words flowed naturally, half in the hope he could shut down the topic quickly, the other because "I don't wanna worry you, (Name)." 

"I thought you're supposed to be honest with your feelings." You said.

He knew your nightmares. He knew how much you hated hospitals. But he wasn't thinking right that night. He'd been frustrated by how sad you had looked, even though he'd proven to you and the doctors that there were no side effects, that all he had to do was to "maintain his healthy lifestyle and manage the stress".

"I thought you're supposed to, I don't know, not projecting your past trauma to me?" and it was the final blow. When you finally looked at him, your eyes were already brimming with tears.

"So I'm the bad guy now, huh?" tears began falling from your eyes as you laughed, even though it was a dry, bitter one--not the one that made him fall in love with you, once upon a time. Kuroo turned pale at the realization of what he just said, and afterwards, everything else was too incoherent for him to remember. He said sorry a few times after and you shouted to him, saying how he chose career over you; in short, the two of you hurt each other in a way none of you two remembered how. 

He knew his apologies were empty ones; none of those would reverse the time, and there was no way for him to fix unless you gave him the chance, but you didn't give any. 

Instead, you said the words that broke him to pieces: “I can’t… I can’t do this anymore, Kuroo. Sorry,” you said, tearing your gaze away from him.

“(Name)--”

“Just go,” you said, weakly. “ _Please."_

If a dying person would see his life flashes before his eyes, then he saw vivid flashbacks of your faces through the years he'd been in love with you. Someone who seemed like a plain Jane at first glance, hiding a very pretty smile shown only to those who are lucky enough. The first time you made his heart skip a beat. The first hand-holding. The first kiss. The first night together. You were a movie, and every scene was beautiful.

He left silently not long after, a scene that kept rewinding in your dreams. When he closed your apartment door, you realized that, even when his word hurt, he was right; you'd been so, so selfish--you were supposed to take good care of him, not to add the amount of his stress, and what did you do? You told him to crush his longtime dream because of your past trauma--which was not and never his responsibility. Of course he’d retaliate. Of course he’d go. 

You knew how fragile human bonds could be. When he cut it off, you weren't supposed to grieve. You were the one who handed him the scissor. 

Nobody fought back after that night, or the days afterwards. Kuroo felt he was in the wrong for saying despicable things to you, but you too were disgusted with yourself; you thought you didn’t deserve him just as much as he thought he didn’t deserve you--and time passed on and on as the two of you tried your best not to be immersed in despair. But you couldn't help but think that this could be some ordinary argument-turned-fights between couples, that you only needed time. But after a month passed and you heard nothing from him, you began to play pretend that you were okay, that none of these affected you, because you're an adult with responsibilities and moping around over a heartbreak wouldn't help you pay the bills. Most high school sweethearts ended up like this, anyway. 

The mermaid continued to walk despite the pain because she needed to move so she could find the love of her life. She never knew what was ahead but she tried anyway. You, however, had lost him, and thus standing idly, all while dealing with the excruciating pain from the knives on your feet was the only choice left for you.)

* * *

“Don’t go,” he said.

A mere 15 minutes ago, he collapsed on your feet moments after banging your door. If only you haven’t smelled alcohol from his breath before, you’d have called the ambulance. And, of course, Kuroo’s weight is impossible for you to carry, pregnant or not. So you took a few pillows and a blanket from your couch and covered him up. It’s a little cold but he’d survive, although if he stays asleep until morning, he’d probably wake up with back pain.

Except he wakes up after Kenma calls you, asking if Kuroo is already with you. “Yeah, he’s literally asleep on my _genkan_ right now,” you say.

“You sure we don’t need to pick him up?” Kenma asks.

“No, Kenma…,” you say, slowly as to not wake him up. “Him coming here means he wants to say something, right? I probably should hear it first.”

“Okay, then,” he says finally. “Call me if you need anything.”

You return to the _genkan_ to put a glass of water and a pack of aspirin near him in case he wakes up feeling hungover in the middle of the night. You’re about to go to your bedroom and probably having a sleepless night from the thought of having your ex-boyfriend sleeping on your apartment floor when you feel his hand catching your wrist.

“Can we wait until morning?” you try suggesting him. The truth is, even when you’re silently hoping that the person behind your door is him, you’re still not ready. Not when he suddenly appears like this.

You hear rustles--him trying to get up. His eyes look tired, but he doesn’t seem as drunk as before--crazy, considering only a quarter-hour has passed, but Kuroo handles his alcohol too well and if a quick nap is all he needs to recover, then so be it.

“No, I don’t think I’m supposed to be here,” he says. “Or are you letting me stay over your place?”

There is no teasing on his tone, nor mischief on his facial expression. He sits hugging his knees, his head tilted in your direction.

“Wha--I mean, you’re hungover and it’s late. I’m worried is all,” you say, although you feel heat creeping your face as you speak.

The more you stare at him, the more pronounced his emotions are to you: his eyes bear confusions, questions, and on top of it all, sadness. But so do you. You have been so lost for a while. 

But it’s now or never. If you want to seek an answer, then tonight’s the chance. “I’ll be back in thirty seconds,” you say as you try to let go. True to your words, you return quickly, now with a small box in your hand before you put it carefully next to him on the _genkan_. “I never intended to throw it out. I guess I’ve been unconsciously waiting for you.”

Kuroo moves to lean on the wall as he lifts the lid open. The light is a little dim but just enough to clearly shows what’s inside: your test pack, and your ultrasound photo.

(“Do you want the photo?” the technician asked the day you went to the OB/GYN with Akari.

“No--”

“Yes, please,” Akari replied, looking at you sharply. “C’mon, (Name)-chan. In one way or another, you’re gonna have to tell Kuroo.”

“Okay, then,” you sighed. “Give me one.”)

“This…,”

“Yeah,” you say. “You came here because you heard from Lev, right? Look… I’m sorry you had to hear it from someone else. Trust me when I said I’ve been meaning to call you for so many times, but I am too _scared--”_

You don’t finish your sentence. You can’t. Kuroo softly sobs across you, his tears flowing. His eyes remain on the ultrasound picture. One hand grasps it too tightly its corner crumples a little, the other clenching his chest. 

This is the first time you see him cry--ever.

Kuroo doesn’t cry. Not at the seniors’ graduation when he’s in first and second grade. Not when Nekoma lost to Karasuno in the Nationals. Not even during the yearly visit to her mother’s graveyard. When asked about it, he simply answers, “because this pain is not meant to stay forever.” Of course you can feel him grieving silently. You caught his pained expression every time the two of you have to say another goodbye to one another during the years of your long-distance relationship.

He leaves you that night without a single drop of tear on his face.

Kuroo understands grief, he just doesn’t cry. It probably has been so many years since the last time he did.

“I’m sorry, (Name), I’m so sorry,” he says, his voice cracking a little. “It must’ve been hard going through all this news by yourself.” He doesn’t put the picture down when he moves slowly towards you. He finally looks up to you, and at the sight of him sobbing, nose scrunching--you can’t help but to cry too. The first time you do after you first took the test. And when the first tear drops, you only come to the realization that all this time you have been lying to yourself: none of these are okay. You need him, in more ways than one. 

It's not the same need in cliche movies where you'll die if he's not in your life; but he's been a part of your life--a big one, in fact--for quite some time that it needs a lot of effort, a lot of getting used to, if he suddenly walks away. Especially when this relationship ends because of something that is completely repairable.

But you're having none of these. Not anymore. 

“It’s been so hard, Kuroo,” you cry, shoulders shaking. “I haven’t been able to sleep for two weeks, I keep throwing up, and nobody knows about this except Akari and Lev because I don’t know if it’s the right thing to do. Not even my mom knows.”

So he pulls you in his arms, like what he used to do forever ago. “I’m sorry. For everything,” he sobs. He hugs you tightly like you’re his only safeguard. “If only I wasn’t a coward, you don’t have to go through the hardships by yourself.

“And I don’t know if I’m allowed to say this, but I’m so happy, (Name),” he whispers. You freeze in his arms when he says it, and he probably realizes the way you tense up--he always does--but he continues anyway. “Thank you. For letting me know. I just want you to know that whatever step you want to take, I will support your decision. And--and I will always love you, (Name).”

Another batch of tears that welled up your eyes begin to roll down your cheek. “But will you be okay about it?” you say, hiccuping. “If I say I _can’t_ , and I let this child go… will you be fine? Aren't you going to hate me?”

“I mean, yeah," he says, weakly. “It'll break my heart. But it's your life, (Name), not mine," he says, "and, whatever you do, I don’t think I will ever be able to hate you, (Name). Even if you kill me in this lifetime, I will still love you in the next.”

Your breath hitches. “Kuroo, I’m so sorry for projecting my trauma to you,”

“I’m sorry for not fighting harder,”

“I’m sorry for not trying to give you second chance,”

“I’m sorry for refusing to see all sides of you, including one when you cry,”

“I'm sorry,” you say, "for everything.”

"You have nothing to apologize, (Name),” he replies. "Just... come back. To my life. And never go again.”

Hearing his plea, you nod, letting out a gut-wrenching sob. You pull his warm body closer to you, your hands grasping the front of his sweater. You can feel Kuroo tremble as he holds you, quiet sniffles accompany your choke of sobs. You raise your hand to cup his face, your thumb wiping off his tears softly, the way he always does to you. He stares at you intently, the look you used to see on the court. 

_There won't be turning back,_ you say to yourself. But you can't run anymore, because somehow this raven-haired man who's staring at you with his amber eyes that you have longed so much always knows how to find you. And besides: you miss him, you need answers. He loves you, he wants you back. “May I?” he asks, like always, and you nod, like always. He asks the permission, but you’re the one who moves first; your lips meet his halfway, molding into a kiss that feels like the first time again. As he pulls you closer to kiss you deeper, you move to wrap your hands around his shoulders.

"Please stay the night," you whisper to his mouth.

"Should I stay the night after, too?" he says, almost incomprehensible in-between the kisses. You feel his tongue prodding your mouth, and you let him in. His hand travels to the edge of your top before taking it off. You hear yourself saying "yes" breathlessly as you pull his sweater off, revealing his t-shirt underneath. You have been deprived of him for so long that you can't even think straight; one kiss and he steals away all of your remaining logic and all you want right now is to be enclosed safely in his arms.

He pulls away from the kiss, you letting out a sound of protest. He takes a look at you--you're not wearing a bra, but you're in no way sexy; you know you're a tear-stained, tired, disheveled mess with sweatpants right now.

Before you can do anything, he catches the back of your leg as he picks you up. You yelp quietly, but you latch in his shoulder anyway. He goes to your bedroom and goes to his knees as he puts you down gently. He looks at your half-naked self--his eyes bearing more love than lust--before he tugs off his t-shirt and throws it on the floor and lays beside you, arms wrapping your waist. He's a little more careful in his movement, making sure he doesn’t rest his full weight on top of you. 

"Kuroo," you choke.

"You're beautiful," he murmurs to your ear before he gently nips on it. You shudder with the contact after being bereaved from his touch. “So beautiful.” It’s only for a while, but it’s a painful while nonetheless. You let out a sigh as he travels his mouth down south to your neck, his teeth nibbling on your skin. His hand moves up from your waist to play with your hardened nipple while sucking the other, eliciting a moan from you. You shut your eyes, your lips pursed. With the hormones making you extra sensitive, you’re already soaked down there, needing to be undone.

“Do you still have it?” he asks while he moves to find a position between your legs.

“What?” you ask, opening your eyes.

“You know what,” he says, a little impatiently.

“We don’t need it--ah!” you arch your back as he touches your belly, rubbing it gently. “I’m already pregnant with your child.”

He smiles rather mischievously. “ _Our_ child,” he corrects you. “You’re pregnant with our child.”

As you get aroused from the way he looks at your belly--still no bump, but you and him know that the child is there, growing--you feel like you’re falling in love all over again. He plants feather kisses on top of your belly, looking at them with all the love with a splash of pain, because he doesn't know your decision yet. But it only takes one look from him to make you decide: you want to see this child. You have to. There is no other option.

And you must be the luckiest person in the world, because he wants the same thing. “Let’s raise this child, you and me,” he says.

You feel hot tears lacing your eyelashes, threatening to come out. “Kuroo,” you say, voice strained. “You’re going to have to sacrifice a lot.”

“I don’t mind,” he says, his face serious. “It hasn’t dawned on me yet before I see the ultrasound picture… but now I did, I want nothing else. I will do anything, literally _anything_. I’ll even quit JVA if I have to.”

“No,” you say, half-sobbing, half-laughing. “You don’t have to think that far, okay? I just want you with me right now,”

“So do I,” he says, slowly rising up to find your lips and kiss it. “I love you so much, (Name),”

“I love you too, Kuroo Tetsuro,” you sigh. 

“I’m never letting you go again.” He says before he goes down inside you. 

He calls your name like a mantra. He says many more _I love you'_ s, almost in every thrust. When you come undone, followed with him moments afterwards, you feel like all pain has been lifted; you’re just… complete.

Your youth may be over in a few months. You’re going to say goodbye to Friday night bar-hopping, you’re going to skip many get-togethers, you may not be able to come to Nekoma reunions, and it will probably be hard to squeeze in a schedule for girls’ night with Akari with this child that you’re expecting. You know there will be hardships waiting at the end of the tunnel, and at first, the thought scares you because you’re on your own at that time. But with Kuroo promising that he will be with you, you feel exactly the same with him: you want nothing else.

* * *

Kuroo wakes up in the morning, feeling oddly clear-headed. Somehow the hangover doesn’t exist even though he’s sure he drank a lot last night; must be the magic from being with you. He’s about to snuggle back to sleep next to you when he realizes that your side of bed is empty.

“(Name)?” he gets off the bed and walks outside. “Are you o--”

He doesn't need to hear your answer know that you’re not okay. The bathroom door is left open, and you sit next to the toilet, gagging. He rushes in, rubbing your back as you throw up. He helps you to get up as you flush down the puke.

“Sorry, I’m okay,” you mutter. “It’s just the usual thing,”

Kuroo stands beside you as he takes a glass on the sink that you use to brush your teeth with the tap water. He then hands it to you while you find support on the edge of the sink. “Is there a way for it to stop?” he asks, concerned. You take the water with a thanks before chugging it in one go.

“There’s a way to make it less painful, yes. But this is something I have to deal with for the next month, at least,” you say, putting the glass down and turning the tap open. You splash lukewarm water, rinsing your sleep-laden face before taking the toothpaste tube, squeezing it out on your toothbrush.

Kuroo feels a pang of guilt churning his stomach. You’re about to finish brushing your teeth when Kuroo’s big hands wrap your waist from behind. “Kuroo?” you call him with your mouth full.

“I’m sorry again for making you deal with this alone,” he says, burying his face on your shoulder. He sounds remorseful, like a child who just got caught stealing a cookie.

You rinse your mouth before you respond. “Hey, quit it with the endless apologies, will you?” you say softly. You sound almost like cooing at him because he looks really youthful from the mirror reflection. “At least you’re here now.” You turn around to face him, cradling his face lovingly. Kuroo feels warm from your touch, silently wonders why he was such an idiot to ever letting you go.

It feels like a fever dream. You are in his arms again. He never falls out of love with you in the short moment you’re not with him; if anything, it feels like his feelings to you only grow fonder.

And right now he’s in love. He felt his chest was about to burst open when he saw the ultrasound picture. The child is still in the shape and size of a bean, but he’s already in love. He knows that the decision is entirely in your hands; it’s your body, after all. He knows that if you decides to do the abortion, it’ll crush him badly--perhaps ten times worse than the breakup--but that doesn't stop him from loving the unborn child altogether. 

He doesn't know if he's just being overly sentimental and overwhelmed from the news, but when he said he’ll do anything for this child, he really meant it. So when you said that you’re keeping this child no matter what, to be happy is an understatement. And, honest to Gods, this is all he's ever wanted with you, ever since the day he professed his love to you many years ago; he wants this relationship to last for a lifetime, not some teenage crush that somehow manages to last until aduthood. He truly wants to build a small, yet complete family. It's a mutual thing that you and Kuroo don't have; and so he wishes for it to remain whole for as long as he lives.

“Marry me,” he says spontaneously. He feels you tense up at the words, eyes widening from surprise. He's a little taken aback by his own nerve: you are just starting to find your place in the world, just like him. He's no professional athlete like Bokuto or Yaku, who makes millions of Yen a year from his job; he's just a regular, entry-level civil servant. He honestly hasn't counted how much it takes to raise a family, but he doesn't take it back. No matter what kind of hurdle that awaits you both, he'll overcome it. He wants to try--and this time he promises himself--no more struggling alone.

Anything that lies ahead, he only wants to go through it all with you.

“Am I hearing things?” you say, your lashes flutter as you repeatedly blink in confusion. _Man, I’m so whipped for her,_ Kuroo thinks. He cups your face, kissing your forehead. Then your nose. Then your cheeks. He stops a moment before kissing your lips, smiling.

“You’re not,” he chuckles, and then he kisses you again. When he pulls away, he looks at your and his reflections on the mirror, bleary with eyebags, your top probably stained with vomit somewhere, him smelling absolutely like alcohol... not to mention it's inside the small bathroom of your apartment. But to hell to romantic proposals, all he needs is your answer.

"You're kidding, right?" you say, brimming with tears. "This is not a proper place to propose, Kuroo."

"I'm completely serious. I haven't bought the ring, though, the store's not open yet. Sorry this isn't so romantic...," Kuroo laughs. "But if you need to hear it again, I'll say it again for a hundred times more: be my wife, (Name). Marry me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I'm so sorry for the very long delay and being MIA... work has been such a pain in the ass lately, but just like Reader-chan, I gotta keep moving despite the pain! I don't really like how the chapter turn out tbh because I'm bad at writing angst. Seeing Kuroo in pain breaks my heart so I had to rewrite this chapter THREE TIMES lmao. But the next chapter will be all fluffy and heartwarming and just full of Kuroo simping over Reader-chan and the child (THE CHILD! They're finally coming in the next chapter!!!) as an epilogue so I hope it'll be easier to write!
> 
> And, for the random trivia:  
>  **[Saitama](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saitama_\(city\))** may refer to a) the MC of One Punch Man, and b) a prefecture in Kanto near Tokyo. In this chapter however, I'm referring to the city situated in Saitama prefecture.  
>  **[St. Luke's](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/St._Luke's_International_Hospital)** is a real deal situated in Chuo, Tokyo.  
>  **[Hans Christian Andersen's The Little Mermaid](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Little_Mermaid)**. You might already known about this angsty original version of The Little Mermaid, but I put in here just in case.
> 
> I might have missed something but I'm in the middle of work right now and might get back to it later (if I remember).
> 
> Don't forget to wear masks and take care! See you next chapter :D


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